What am I going to do with this giant zucchini?

*snort*

Anyhoots, when my landlord goes out of town, I am allowed to go out back and legitimately rape the garden for produce that will be overripe by the time he gets back.  Today's haul was just this one gigantic zucchini. 

Honey Bear included for reference.

I feel like this photo taken with my Commodore 64 cell phone is not doing justice to the massive amounts of zucchini I must now consume.  I'm thinking zucchini bread or just the normal cook it with oil and onions.  Or!  Oh!  Once I made zucchini parmesan and I breaded it and baked it, but then the zucchini was so good I didn't even bother with pasta and tomato sauce.  

I ate the hell out of it.  

With ketchup.

Mostly I just wanted to practice uploading pictures.  And write a post with a pervy headline.  Get used to it.

Here for the Right Reasons

Should I be detailing every step of this getting-published project?  Or should I just admit that I am watching Bachelor Pad?  In my defense, I do have my laptop open.

Why do I love this shit?  I mean, honestly.  OK, I don't love BP (although we're on an acronym basis), but I do love the Bachelor/ette.  I especially loved this last season with Emily (and not just because she was from WV, although my heart had a little thrill when I found out); there was not as much drama, just people trying to fall in love.  And confusing notions of masculinity which might explain why I will be single forever.  But, seriously.  Who are these dudes?  Where do they come from?  Why does the montage music always make them take their shirts off?

Also, why do they always wax their chest hair.  Fellas (all the fellas reading this blog), why are we doing this? 

Anyway, the Bach(s) is my fave reality show, and it can be yours too if you just let go of the notion that it is in any way real, and just watch the romance unfold.  It's sort of anthropologically interesting for a person who is not at all like these Greek system graduates.  (No hate there - I'm just saying I went to a school with no fraternities or sororities.)  Also, if you can survive bungee jumping off of a skyscraper, you can survive any problem in a relationship.  It's true.  There have been studies. 

But this obsession with Being There For The Right Reasons.  It makes things confusing, and that makes people take their shirts off.  Because it's a TV show, and it's a game, but it's also love and marriage which is sacred and so we cannot admit that it's a prize on a TV show and also if you are gay you can't have it.  (There's a lot to parse in that sentence.  I'm just going to move on.)  And, so, even though we know in real life that love is hard to find and to maintain, we still like the illusion that it is somehow simple enough that with the right sparkle gowns and helicopter rides, it can still happen.  But if anyone even remotely smells like they are playing the game (which, aren't they all?  The Game of Love?), that person is swiftly kicked to the curb.

I also like watching the men get all competitive and cat-fighty.  I mean, it really does some solid work for breaking down the gender dichotomy.

But that's for another time.  For now, everybody take your shirt off!  It's time for a montage!